Ever feel like you're being watched?

You know, like people are staring at you, watching your every move, curious what you will do next...Its an erie feeling, almost like they are waiting for you to mess up, ready for that one moment to discount you as unworthy or inadequate.

I am a foreign visitor to this hospital. It is a tight knit community, everyone works closely with each other and they have been together for a long time. Many of the workers have spent their whole lives in Kijabe, possibly working at the hospital for generations in their family. Who am I to waltz into this place like I belong?

But I recognize that this is a wrong interpretation of that feeling of being watched. It is true, everyone is watching me, most especially the Kenyan interns and nurses. My first reaction to this constant passive attention is that I need to preform. I need to be smart medically, act quickly and intelligently, be prepared, etc. But this is not what they are looking for. I believe, instead, what they are interested in is how I am willing to interact on a more personal level. I am truly interested in the people? Or am I merely here to be some smart doctor-wanna-be from America? So my gut reaction to challenge those stares and prove my competency is almost the complete opposite of how I should be responding. I am a visitor and a learner, my response should be first humility and compassion- toward colleague or patient.