Thursday, May 10, 2012

Haiti

I arrived home from Haiti on Friday at 2 AM.  My husband glad to see me, only ~ 24 hours since discovering that his uncle, Harry Brown of San Antonio, had passed away unexpectedly.  I spent my 5 hour layover in Miami discovering that my family had just experienced a serious falling out between two loved ones.

The whole earth groaning, broken, sad...

Seeing my best friend Becky Burton, husband Jimmy and new baby Abigail Faith was delightful.  O to see Becky so happy with her first baby!  To hear her story of how the birth went, how God was so present and faithful through everything, and how Abigail got her middle  name.  That was very good.





But Haiti?  Haiti is hard.

I sometimes think of the verse in Psalms where David says "I was young once and now I am old, but I have never seen the righteous forsaken, your people begging for bread".  I like to claim that as the truth, but is it true in Haiti?  Its funny, I think about the life I live here in the US, the life we provide for our son, and it feels opposite.  We don't realize the pain and suffering experienced in other parts of the world until we grow up and open our eyes to it.  My son has no idea still...


But the Lord is in Haiti, His witnesses are there and His beloved are cared for.  His promises true, His life sustaining all.

Praise God for the faithful who serve, who love, and press on in the hardness of it all.  My friends, Becky and Jimmy, serve as part of a ministry called Heartline.  They do several things: provide education and work opportunities for women, family planning and parenting education, and health care for pregnant moms and their babies, as well as a home for new teenage moms in need of support.  You can buy the beautiful purses and jewlery made by these women online: Haitian Creations.




Soon, Heartline will be breaking ground on a bakery that will provide jobs with about six men as part of an intense discipleship program. 


Heartline started out as an orphanage offering adoptions for children in need.  However, with the influx of mothers giving up their children for adoption because they felt they could not provide for their children (not that they wanted to live without them!), Heartline decided to change models.  They started a program for pregnant mothers which offers healthy meals, pre-labor education and medical care through the delivery of their baby, and parenting education.  The program is small, taking only 30 pregnant moms at a time.  They intentionally keep it this way.  The women make friends, build a support group, and the combined result of it all is that they feel loved and well equipped to bring a child into the world and care for it.  They bond with their babies, even naming them from the moment they're born (rather than waiting months or even years because who knows? The baby might die.)  They continue coming for about six months after the baby is born, but have friends and resources for life.

I had the incredible opportunity to assist in the clinics on two days, as well as a class on the stages of labor (where my friend acted out the second stage of labor and I dutifully rubbed her back!)  The skit culminated in a baby doll being pulled from under an actresses shirt who was shouting "Jesus!"  The women howled with laughter!


 


Passing the grey streets, rubble and trash, the throngs of people walking in all directions, (I wonder if they work or where they go?), pass the crowded UN tent cities still erected after the devastating earthquake of 2010, sitting with baby Abigail in my lap as my friends tell me of the random assaults and robberies of foreign missionaries that have peaked in recent months.  They take me to the airport, and I leave my precious friends behind in the broken land, bleeding and pained, groaning for grace to rebuild, restore, set right.  My heart cries out like in Isaiah 58-

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
    and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
    and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
    and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
    and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
    and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
    you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
    with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
    and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
    Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.




Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What kind of mom do you want to be?

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!"  Deuteronomy 30:19

I read today the difficult experience of one step-mom who said it is impossible to be and feel like a 'real mom'.  Impossible to have that happy nuclear family experience as a step-parent.  Doubtless so many step-moms really struggle with these feelings, like I have.

But do we not have a choice in the matter?  Every day, the Lord gives us a choice- life or death.  So simple.  Jesus says "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life", and in Him we can have the fruit of that life: love, joy, peace, patience... its a choice made possible by the Spirit that lives in us.  We choose to accept love and cast out fear.  We choose joy, despite our circumstances.  And with great reason, because we have life forever with the One who loves more deeply, more honestly, more beautifully than anyone or anything we can imagine!  O, how He loves us!

I choose to be a loving, engaged, hopeful, full-of grace and open handed step-mother!! I choose it TODAY.  I will put out my heart, weather it be loved in return or not be put aside, and I will love my step son, my husband, my sons bio-mom and step-dad.  That's the kind of mom I want to be.  That is the kind of family I want to have.  

Although I am not a birth mom, I understand that mothers routinely face this tough choice- because although kids are amazing they are still fallen and know not how to love the way we want to be loved, they have to learn it and we have to teach it.  How can we teach what we do not ourselves know?

I fail in love all the time.  I usually choose to love people that are easy to love, I have never really been forced in any other direction.  I love best the people I relate to most, and they tend to like me pretty well!  But here I am, a step-mom for one year...and O the difficulties I never expected!  It doesn't always feel good. Sometimes it feels so bad I can hardly put down my hurt feelings, my tears - sometimes I can't see through them at all.  O how my God has ministered to my heart in those moments.  He choose me when I didn't care one lick about Him, now I must choose His Life and press on and give thanks and be a real mom.

Today I choose and give thanks for these truths:
...I experience great joy from my sons laughter
...My husband loves me and is a good father
...I do not have to be angry over things done in the past, out of my control
...I can do the things that I want to in order to be the mom I want to be!
...I really can feel like a mom because I really am one
...Motherhood is so much giving, less receiving, but always receiving from Him
...Every moment counts- every positive loving moment builds on the last for my son
...I choose to make the most of the moments given by God
...He made me for this job!


You know what makes it possible?  Worshiping God.  There's no other way to be full enough to give what is required.  There is no other way to know how to Love and find the courage to do it.  I keep trying to read about how step-moms can be successful, I'm looking for solutions to the pain and problems I experience daily...But the only real help comes from my Father of grace who renews me day to day to day to day...O how I need Him!



Today I'm choosing to worship Him, so blessed by His love for me...
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Monday, April 9, 2012

Joyfully one day at a time...

I am still counting.  Sometimes I forget to write things down.  I choose an easier road where I sort of ambiguously am thankful for this and that and I forget to be specific.  That's when I loose site of the Gift, of Him who gave me everything, and a slip into the routine of my flesh: complaining, frustration, unholy dreaming of things not mine, wishing for what I do not have. 

But still I count.  I am reminded that though a righteous man fall seven times he will still rise, and I know that is by God's grace alone that I can rise...one day at a time.

How much I have been given!

... Friends now for more than 10 years, and we still love and laugh and find time to get together (Texas, Colorado, DC, Haiti, all is the Lords!)


... My best friend says "You've changed, Kate. I love watching what God is doing in your life."
... Giving thanks really does change you!






...  The boys light a big fire!


...  Our little one still likes face paint and Easter egg hunts!


...  We found the perfect place to live, so many specific prayers answered- right down to the doggie door!


... Next week I will be in Haiti with my best friend Becky, her wonderful husband Jimmy, and their new baby Abigail Faith!